How to Insult like a Canadian

I’m riding the escalator behind a man in his fifties. His friend is bounding up the stairs, shouting, “C’MON! I have to PEE! What’re you taking the escalator for!”

The man in front of me calls, “It’s my knees, man, I got this knee thing.”

“SCREW your knees,” hollers his friend, already jiggling from foot to foot at the top, “and go up the goddamn stairs.”

“Listen, I have a job,” calls the man in front of me. “I work all day standing up, I’m not like one of those fucking welfare cases.” He gets to the top of the escalator and pauses for a moment then says, “I mean – I’m sorry to any welfare cases who are listening. You’re not all – anyway. Sorry. But… I do…” He finishes in a mumble, “have a job.”

And that, my lovelies, is how to Insult People Like a Canadian.

Photo Creative Commons