Click: No Toast

Click: true moments collected over the years. Stories too short for the stage.

There is this photograph.

BlogTO Restaurant Review:
This sushi place was the worst restaurant I have ever been to. The service was downright disgusting. I’ve never been so disrespected in my life. They forgot our orders, and kept us waiting for half an hour and repeatedly asked us if we wanted the bill while we waited for our food. In the end, we had to reorder everything. I think we were asked if we wanted to leave a total of seven or eight times that day. After they asked us if we were ready to leave SO many times, we decided to just get our ice cream and go. After we finished our ice cream, all of the tempura and the sushi that we’d ordered before came. And when I paid the bill, they checked the money in front of our face. And when I say checked, I mean counted every single bill. It was just disgusting.

There is this photograph. Taken in the middle of a field.

Torontoist Restaurant Review:
The $9 poutine SHOULD come with sweet potato fries, gravy, cheese curds (very important) mushrooms, and peameal bacon. So when this huge basket finally arrived, to my dismay it was covered in a thick, slightly solid looking gravy with nary a cheese curd or cheese-like substance on it. So I sent it back and asked for the cheese curds to be added. It came back with maybe 5 or 6 curds. Actually, they weren’t even large enough to be considered curds.

There is this photograph. Taken in the middle of a field. Somewhere hot and dry.

Now Magazine Restaurant Review:
Our breakfast orders, which were supposed to come with toast, didn’t. And I asked the waitress. I was told they didn’t have a toaster. A diner, NO TOASTER. Not that it was broken, but that it didn’t exist. Though fully half the menu items include toast. She said she sometimes went home and toasted bread to bring to the diner. I’m not making this up.

There is this photograph. Taken in the middle of a field. Somewhere hot and dry. A group of men are running through the recently harvested grain. In the foreground, a ten year old boy is alone. Screaming in what seems, at first, to be delight.

BlogTO Restuarant Review:
Avoid this sandwich place at all costs. I’ve lived in the condo behind this sandwich place for the past six years, and have never seen such a disgusting pile of trash behind a restaurant. For a company that prides themselves so much on being kind to the environment, they do a pretty good job of collecting garbage. I have had to contact the property manager regarding the disastrous pile of garbage I can smell from my balcony.

Response:
I live in the same condo as you do. I guess you’ve never tried their food, because it’s the best in the neighbourhood.

Original Reviewer:
YOU’RE A WHORE. And if you live in my condo, you would have enough money to buy REAL food, not ready-made sandwiches.

And you are wondering at first if they’re playing tag. Or if a soccer game has broken out on this warm, bright day. But the older boys are looking behind them. The older boys are looking behind them and up into the sky as they run. And nobody plays soccer that way.

Torontoist Restaurant Review:
The coffeehouse is lively, which I enjoyed. However the music is way too loud. I seemed to throw the barista a curve when I asked for a macchiato. She asked how I wanted it, and I answered with, “You know, microfoam.” And then she asked, “You mean, like, silky smooth?” to which I said, “Yes…” feeling concerned about the drink I was going to get.

There is this photograph. Taken in the middle of a field. Somewhere hot and dry. A group of teenage boys are running through the recently harvested grain. In the foreground, a ten year old boy is alone. Screaming in what seems, at first, to be delight. In that way that kids do at the park, loud and unrestrained and full of the joy of being alive. And you are wondering at first if they’re playing tag. Or if a soccer game has broken out on this warm, bright day, but the older boys are looking behind them. The older boys are looking behind them and up into the sky as they run, and nobody plays soccer that way. And this – this is when you notice the missile in the blue, blue sky.

And the sushi isn’t in biodegradable take-out packages and the Coke is flat and the waiter is looking at me funny and

The missile that is going to touch ground in another thirty seconds.

and the artichokes aren’t the right shade of green and the music on the stereo is what was playing when my girlfriend broke up with me and I can’t tell if this chair is gluten free and and andandandand

The missile that is going to decimate the town that you can see behind the boys.

And this – this is what’s happening in the rest of the world while there isn’t any toast.

In the field, the boys are running as fast as they can. You are hoping that it is fast enough.

Clicks are also posted every Monday and Wednesday on the Sage Tyrtle Tumblr site.

Photo Tom Hart